Value at risk

“So how many of these numbers are correct?”

“What do you mean how many? All of them!”

“That can’t be right. You are telling me that at any point in time our company can lose 30  million! That's half of what we stand for. Are you sure the numbers are correct?”

“Have my numbers ever been wrong? Have I ever raised the red flags incorrectly? If you find my numbers borderline outrageous then my next argument is behind enemy lines crazy.”

“So you agree the numbers are outrageous”

“Outrageous yes but true as well.”

“So, don’t just stand there, be done with your argument”

“We should cancel sponsorship.”

“Wait a minute, you want me to cancel our Cancer Marathon run sponsorship just because one of your reports states our value at risk numbers are going haywire.While you are at that why don’t you advise me to cancel the new hospital wing donation as well and also other charities our trust has promised.”

 “Unfortunately, I was going to come on those as well. We have to reduce our overheads by at least 20% and then we have to increase our productivity by 17% to come near to the acceptable margins. And on top of that, we have to increase our cash reserves as competition is heating up with speed which was previously unexpected.”

“Listen I know you are thinking for the betterment of our company, for us, but the proposals you are making will make a dent in our company’s reputation and will sink all those patients’ hopes which are just afloat because of free treatment coming their way. Can’t you check the numbers again, see where we can make some internal changes to avoid this.”

“This breaks my heart as well in more ways then…anyways my job is to advise you to the best of my ability and my ability tells me we can’t avoid insolvency if we carry on same path.”

“You know yesterday I was taking my frustration out on  my 12 year old and was thinking, why the fuck this has to happen to me.”

“Why were you scolding your son? He is a nice kid. He always wishes me good mornings & afternoons and always offers me a hearty smile.”

“I am a big dud thats why. It's just that I had an argument with his mother and poor soul chose wrong timing to be upset. Actually I think he chose the wrong dad also.”

“Nah, his dad is alright. Dud, i agree but will do his daddily duties alright.”

“Where did we go wrong? I always thought we are doing alright business and after Dad handed over the reins to me I made sure our socials are also as high as our financial. So where did we go wrong?” 

“I wish I can give you as definite an answer as our valuation reports but unfortunately I can only say - it happens. I have gone through our finances and I can see there was nothing we could have done. We can’t have expected a sudden change in export policy and then on top of that change in tax slabs triggered spending change in customers. But all this is temporary, one good financial year and we will be back to an equal financial and social position.”  

“So you think by next year this time we will be back in the pink of health? And don’t try to soften the blow please.”

“Not completely pink but yes pinkish. But enough pinkish that we can afford the hospital ward donation.”

“If thats the case, then I will need a complete list of measures we should take. Also, make some budget for a new position and hire an expert on govt. Policy and macro economics, I don’t want to be a sitting duck the second time.”

“But budget?”

“Take it from my salary. Let's do everything to make that pinkish as pink as it can be.”

“I see your dad's dudness is rubbing on your CEO position as well. By the way, you still haven’t told me why did you scolded your son?”

“You mean apart from me being a dud dad?”

“Yes, apart from you being a dud dad”

“Poor thing came back from halfway to school because of being afraid of a “big dog” sitting on his school route. And then somehow I managed to scold him for being afraid, not eating icecream and then his liberal thought generation. I believe there were a couple of other things as well but these are the highlights. Dud enough?

“You scolded your son for being afraid of a dog? And icecream?”

“It was a leopard. That idiot took a leopard for a dog.”

“Oh fuck!”

“Yup, we were lucky that the leopard didn’t see him.”

 “That's why you have bandaged arm. And in the morning you told the secretary that you slipped in the bathroom. Thats hilarious.”

 “New rule - budgetary cuts will be applicable on laughter as well.”

“And you scolded your 12 year old for being liberal? Just kill me…”