Mum's the word

“There should be a reason behind this new financial restructuring . Otherwise, why would he ask me to cancel all those cheques he has written for donations. Do you think I should ask him?”

“I know the reason and it's called realisation. Realising that why on earth he is spending all that dough on people who had made living on charity their sole goal in life. And what are you talking about, going and asking him for a reason, he is your boss, not son.”

“I know he is not my…but I don't buy your realisation theory. I would have agreed with you if this had been his father but about him naah, he is not like his old man. Do you think our company is going through tough times? You will be knowing it right after all you are the secretary of the Finance Director.”

“Yes, yes I know everything, after all my boss always takes my advice before drawing the T shape balance sheet. I am his secretary, not his advisor, my dear fellow secretary of Company CEO.”

“But still you are the closest person after the inner circle of management who gets to hold the financial numbers before they go public. You are telling me you have never taken a peek at those ultra-secret sheets. I am not buying that.”

“Miss “i-am-not-buying-that” there is nothing for sale here, I have integrity towards my job. Even if that integrity has a hollow structure of a piece of cheese which Jerry usually eats.”

“Whose Jerry? Is he one of your grand-kids? And by the way how many are there?”

“Do you think I will name my grand kid Jerry? Jerry is the mouse he watches on TV. And in our household we don’t count two things - blessings and grand-kids. We are orthodox that way.”

“But don’t they say, count your blessings. Anyway, dear cheese-structural-integrity person, will you enlighten me with your knowledge of…you know which documents?”

“Ok, ok, I am not confirming and denying anything but I can say that numbers were good until last month.” 

“Until last month? What changed?”

“I don’t know but it seems like something changed.”

“You are enjoying this moment right? You will keep on feeding me enough bread-crumbs so I can keep on asking you questions and keep on feeding your egocentric personality. Spill it!”

“Ok, ok, no need to get hyper..thank god you are not my grandmother. You are scary.”

“3, 2…”

“Fine, so you know the Finance department prepares monthly numbers and each month at the end they have a meeting to discuss the actuals.”

“To check, what they have projected for cash inflow through sales and cash outflow through expenses and what are the actual numbers.”

“Right. And yours truly is asked to be present in these meetings to make administrative arrangements.”

“This over self-indulgence will cost “yours truly” dearly, if she…”

“I see the audience lacks appreciation for a good story-teller. Anyways, I am always there when they are discussing all this “financially” stuff. In the last meeting when I was sitting there, the Director called me and asked me to take a couple of notes and then asked me to get a few copies of some documents he handed over to me. And..”

“And..?”

“And, when I was making copies of the document I saw written these words under one report, “Best year in terms of Profit in company history”, and when i saw the highlighted profit numbers i remember saying to myself, “Do we have enough maths to count that high?””

“How do you know that you are looking at the profit numbers?”

“If you don’t know then let me tell you, yours truly is a humble commerce graduate.”

“I have serious doubts on “yours truly’s” humble part and I find it hard to rely on “yours truly’s” “financially stuff” knowledge.”

“I called it “financially stuff”, to give it gravitas. But seriously, till last month the company was standing on its best profit numbers in history I know because I have seen past 25 years numbers. I have never seen such margins since the liberalisation was announced.”

“So what changed in the last one month, that made the CEO to rollback all the donation cheques?”

“It's business, things happen all the time.”

“Also, with your “financially stuff” knowledge I find it really hard to jump to any conclusion. I have to first check those numbers on my own.”

“Just in case if you haven’t noticed my eyes rolling, I am saying it aloud, “My eyes are rolling.””

“So, you think you can manage it?”

“Gosh, I just did it, twice. You want me to roll my eyes again?”

“No dummy, do you think you can get your hands on those 11 month numbers?”

“Oh, I thought…Do I think? Silly, I have those numbers. Why do you think I am standing at your desk? I have these numbers here and I need to shred them and I am waiting for my turn on shredder. You really think that you are that interesting that people will come to your desk to just talk to you. Who is self indulgent now? Not yours truly for sure.”

“You have shredded these.”

“No, I will shred these. I am just waiting…”

“No, you have shredded these. And now you have some other work to look into.”

“Oh..ohhhh, so you want me to hand it over to you subtly, so you can check them and meanwhile I will go work on my desk and see if I can get something else from that meeting.”

“Subtly, being the key word, miss truly yours. And remember, mum's the word.”

“Ok, grand-mum. See how I did that wordplay. You used mum for being silent and I used it….ok, ok mum's the word, no need to give ugly stares.”

“Thank you.”

“And before I forget, here’s that note which the Director asked me to take.”

“It's a phone number.”

“He wanted me to call on this number and ask for…he mentioned someone’s name.”

“And did you call?”

“I dialled but the operator said the number is out of service.”  

“Hmmm”

“Hmmm…”

“What are you doing?”

“Giving you company. Ok, ok, no more ugly stares going back to my desk….on covert mission.”

“Let me know if you find anything else from that meeting worth checking.”

“Aye Aye Captain!”

“You know you are looking ridiculous fake saluting me, it is not your grandkid, it is you who watches Jerry on TV, right?

“Time to head to my station.”